Literature

Hammer

Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to take something that isn’t yours? You must have had a pretty shit Mother because you took me. I wasn’t yours. I don’t know who I belonged to exactly… but it wasn’t you. It doesn’t matter anymore. You still took me from my house when I was watching cartoons. I miss cartoons. They reminded me that I was a child… you remind me that I’m tight. I have never given such thought to someone the way I have to you. I want to take your black hair and rip it from your scalp. Maybe I’ll smile like you’re always telling me to. I want to run a knife across your crotch and watch as your eyes widen. Maybe I’ll let out a giggle or two. I want to dig at your chest and see what I have always known. There is no heart in that body of yours… just an endless supply of semen. I must get rid of it all. We can’t have another one of you running around. I’m sick of these third legs sticking themselves in places they are not welcome. That’s rather satisfying actually. I still know what is wrong and you my dear Johnny are wrong.

Could you please tell me the time? I wouldn’t want to be late for dinner. Oh that’s right… I am late. I’ve been late to everything. I hope my Mother doesn’t mind that I’ve missed four years of school. I hope she doesn’t hate me for not seeing my little Brother into this world. Oh dear, I forgot to let the cat out. Could you please untie me from this bed? I need to make sure that Skittles doesn’t piss inside again. Mother won’t be very happy if he does. When are we going to do something fun Johnny? You haven’t taken me out in a while. I’m still in awe of when we went on a little date to that house down the road. It’s a beautiful house… I’m beautiful too aren’t I? That’s why you were sharing me. I like your friends. They want me, they have me but they don’t take me. Why can’t you be more like them? I’ll give you my piggy bank if you try.

I’ve always hated that hammer of yours Johnny. I remember the first time I saw it. I didn’t go looking for it but it found me. It always finds me. My fingers wrap around that steel stalk and I feel my bones harden. It isn’t just something I am holding, it’s something that holds me and being the age I am, maybe I deserve to be held. I know it’s wrong. The wet nails go in and I wonder why I am breaking when a hammer is supposed to build. I haven’t done anything about it until now. I will turn that hammer and use its claw to rip out the nails. I don’t care for the blood. You’ve showed me that I have more enough for two lifetimes.

Here you come. I don’t dare open my eyes but I can hear you. Vodka drags your tired feet along the wooden floor. Sometimes I get lucky and you fall to that floor but I know that tonight is not one of those nights. You’ve had a rough day at work haven’t you Johnny? You want me to make it better don’t you Johnny? I can try… I can always try but you don’t understand. My youth cannot heal that mind of yours.  Either way, there you are opening your toolbox. Your hammer has found me again and soon enough I find myself beneath your body. This is something that has never gotten easier. You expect me to carry all of you; the head of a demon, the torso of a giant, the arms of a gorilla, the legs of an elephant and a hammer. Don’t you think that it’s a bit much for a little girl like me?

My tongue touches the rusting steel. I can feel it beginning to shape my mouth like it always does. The thing that gets me the most is the taste. It isn’t particular like hammers should be. This one has broken many buildings and I can taste the rubble of them all. The nails are taking longer than usual to go in. The alcohol has taken your senses and now it’s my chance to take a part of you too. My baby teeth begin to melt into the steel pole and within seconds a hammer which was once grey, becomes red. Red is my favourite colour. I clench my jaw harder and your tool becomes softer. Every vein in your body is poisoned with pain but you do not have the power to stop it. I now realise, that I am the claw of your hammer. I am the only thing that can pull from my body the nails which you have used as puppet strings to control me. One last bite and your hammer is no longer steel. It is but a bleeding piece of flesh that I spit onto the floor.

I use my new adult teeth to chew the rope from my wrists. I pull myself from the crib and feel the ground beneath me. It has been weeks. I must take one more look though. There before me is everything that I once was. You lay in that crib laced in your own juices and I smile. There is a difference between you and me my dear Johnny. Only one of us has enough blood for two lifetimes and without a hammer, this is your last breath.

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