For the purpose of this article, I am going to have to subscribe to the stereotypes of homosexuality and declare my love for America’s Next Top Model. That being said, I am still ready to drag the show’s revival harder than Donald Trump gets dragged.
For those of you who weren’t made aware, Tyra Banks officially declared the end of the show in October of 2015. She believed it had come to its end and stated that cycle 22 would be the last. Following that announcement, all hell broke loose and we experienced the end of the world. Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration but people were genuinely upset… I sure was.
A miracle then swept the globe when the show’s revival was announced late last year. Television network VH1 picked it up and people were once again given the chance to become the next Tyra Banks. The only catch was… Tyra Banks wasn’t going to be in it. Neither was the rest of ensemble including Kelly Cutrone, Miss J Alexander, Jay Manuel, Nigel Parker and the other greats. It was still going to be good though… Right?
Fast forward to now and the first cycle of the revival is nearing its conclusion. It has been a cycle that is nearly indistinguishable from its predecessors. Why you may ask? The following list of fuckups will educate you as to why.
The List of Fuckups
- Rita Ora; Let me preface this by saying that I do not hate Rita Ora. I think she has done very well in her career but I also think that Siri could do a better job at hosting the show. The passion just isn’t there. She isn’t passionate about the modelling world and because of that, the way she presents herself is rather monotone. Don’t even get me started on the ‘RITALERT’ video messages… My Grandad had more energy at his funeral.
- Low Budget; The thing about modelling is that its a world-wide industry. The way it functions differs from country to country and that is why in previous cycles, the contestants were taken overseas. Not this time though. Clearly VH1 cannot accommodate such luxury.
- Bullying; This one is a little more serious. If you watch the show, you will know all about Courtney. She has been the underdog since the beginning, but she has also been bullied since the beginning. The other girls continue to torment her and the judges always single her out and attack her personality. In previous cycles, any form of bullying was immediately brought to an end because Tyra would simply disqualify the bullies… I guess it makes it a little harder when some of the judges are the bullies.
- Drama; Is this America’s Next Top Model or Big Brother? With the amount of drama in the house, you honestly wouldn’t know. The focus used to be on modelling and the quality at which the contestants modelled, but not anymore. Most of the screen-time is now given to fights about who ate whom’s ice cream.
- The Judges; I don’t know if it’s because they don’t know what to say or because they simply do not care, but the judges never give feedback. All they do is complain. They tell the contestants how shit they are but they never tell them how to stop being shit.
- Challenges; Apparently nowadays, you can’t just be a model… you have to be a BOSS. This is reflected in the challenges involving dancing, singing, acting and sword swallowing. Okay, the last one is a lie but I am trying to express how ludicrous it all is. The show is called ‘America’s Next Top Model’… not ‘America’s Next Top Model, Actor, Singer, Business Woman & Magician’.
Overall, the show is a damn mess. It turns out that Tyra Banks really was the heart of it all and now that she’s gone, it’s struggling to survive. Fortunately for VH1 and whoever else is paying to keep the show alive, the contestants are able to pick up the slack. The show still allows us to choose our favourites, connect with them and cheer them on. Apart from that though, all I can really to say to the revival of America’s Next Top Model is this;