About a month ago, a close friend of mine said something about my blog and I haven’t been able to rid my mind of it since; “The way you write on your blog is a lot different to how you are in person.” I laughed it off, not thinking about the implications of her comment, and continued on with my day. However, as the day went on, her words grew within me and became a challenge to my soul. Why is it that how I write and how I am are two different things? I wasn’t able to answer that question for quite a few weeks but I think I finally have an answer to share.
My writing is a reflection of my emotions and the way I act is a reflection of my personality. I have, and always have, found it difficult to deal with my emotions and that is perhaps why, when it comes to self-expression, my emotions takeover. However, when it comes to real life interactions, I tend to disregard how I feel because I have it etched within me that people like me for my personality, not my feelings. I have since realised that my logic may be flawed. When I think of the people in my life, I like them because they are authentic. They show me their emotions as well as their personality and I can see both in however they choose to express themselves. Why am I not capable of this?
Well what I have realised is that I actually am. My history may be similar to that of anyone who has been on Dr. Phil, but that’s just it… it’s history. I can’t keep on using it as an excuse to withhold or amplify parts of myself. That is why, from now on, I am making a promise to find a balance between my emotions and my personality. To begin this journey, I am going to regurgitate a lame ass YouTuber tag and share with you all, 10 facts about me;
- I have an ingrown toenail and because I didn’t want to pay $300 for surgery, I decided to channel my inner Chris Warner and attempt surgery on myself. Long story short, watching Shortland Street all your life doesn’t make you a qualified surgeon.
- I have seen many, if not all, of auditions for shows such as The Voice, American Idol & X Factor. I force my family and friends to watch the best ones with me and if they try and walkaway or stop the video, I get deeply offended and feel a genuine sense of betrayal.
- When given the option to either go out for a night on the town or watch Netflix in bed, I will choose Netflix every time. Also don’t even get me started on that ‘Netflix & Chill’ bullshit. If we’re watching Vikings, the only naked men I want to see are the ones on the screen.
- I buy all of my clothes secondhand because I think that buying brand new just isn’t necessary and that it quadruples your chances of looking like every other mofo out there.
- Last year I was obsessed with Freelee the Banana Girl and in result, I was drinking 6 banana smoothies for breakfast. My appetite for the phallic yellow fruit has since dwindled and at breakfast time, you can now catch me eating peanut butter on toast.
- My ex-girlfriend gave me a deck of angel oracle cards for my birthday many years ago, and I have been channeling my inner Tyler Henry ever since.
- My flat had a housewarming last week and we woke up to a dildo on the wall.
- I hate the cult mentality of some vegans and it angers me that people see them as representational of all vegans. No we don’t all think meat-eaters should die.
- When I was younger we lived in a small town where you could take a can of baked beans or spaghetti to the local cinema, and in return get free entry into a film. I feel like if I did that nowadays, I would be escorted off the premises and be accused of terrorism because that is how damn sensitive the world now is.
- I once worked in a supermarket butchery because I was convinced that I needed to do it for ‘self-discipline’. It got around the workplace that I was vegetarian and people would just come and stare at me like I was some type of zoo animal. I lasted two months there.
There you have it; a small insight into how I actually am. Some of you may be disappointed with the fact that I am not just a profound old soul who writes about how he feels, and others of you may be like, “Wow! He is actually human!”. Either way, I am going to continue letting my personality bleed into my writing because I think it’s about damn time.