Thoughts

This Is Real, This Is Me

this is real, this is me

About a month ago, a close friend of mine said something about my blog and I haven’t been able to rid my mind of it since; “The way you write on your blog is a lot different to how you are in person.” I laughed it off, not thinking about the implications of her comment, and continued on with my day. However, as the day went on, her words grew within me and became a challenge to my soul. Why is it that how I write and how I am are two different things? I wasn’t able to answer that question for quite a few weeks but I think I finally have an answer to share.

My writing is a reflection of my emotions and the way I act is a reflection of my personality. I have, and always have, found it difficult to deal with my emotions and that is perhaps why, when it comes to self-expression, my emotions takeover. However, when it comes to real life interactions, I tend to disregard how I feel because I have it etched within me that people like me for my personality, not my feelings. I have since realised that my logic may be flawed. When I think of the people in my life, I like them because they are authentic. They show me their emotions as well as their personality and I can see both in however they choose to express themselves. Why am I not capable of this?

Well what I have realised is that I actually am. My history may be similar to that of anyone who has been on Dr. Phil, but that’s just it… it’s history. I can’t keep on using it as an excuse to withhold or amplify parts of myself. That is why, from now on, I am making a promise to find a balance between my emotions and my personality. To begin this journey, I am going to regurgitate a lame ass YouTuber tag and share with you all, 10 facts about me;

  1. I have an ingrown toenail and because I didn’t want to pay $300 for surgery, I decided to channel my inner Chris Warner and attempt surgery on myself. Long story short, watching Shortland Street all your life doesn’t make you a qualified surgeon.
  2. I have seen many, if not all, of auditions for shows such as The Voice, American Idol & X Factor. I force my family and friends to watch the best ones with me and if they try and walkaway or stop the video, I get deeply offended and feel a genuine sense of betrayal.
  3. When given the option to either go out for a night on the town or watch Netflix in bed, I will choose Netflix every time. Also don’t even get me started on that ‘Netflix & Chill’ bullshit. If we’re watching Vikings, the only naked men I want to see are the ones on the screen.
  4. I buy all of my clothes secondhand because I think that buying brand new just isn’t necessary and that it quadruples your chances of looking like every other mofo out there.
  5. Last year I was obsessed with Freelee the Banana Girl and in result, I was drinking 6 banana smoothies for breakfast. My appetite for the phallic yellow fruit has since dwindled and at breakfast time, you can now catch me eating peanut butter on toast.
  6. My ex-girlfriend gave me a deck of angel oracle cards for my birthday many years ago, and I have been channeling my inner Tyler Henry ever since.
  7. My flat had a housewarming last week and we woke up to a dildo on the wall.
  8. I hate the cult mentality of some vegans and it angers me that people see them as representational of all vegans. No we don’t all think meat-eaters should die.
  9. When I was younger we lived in a small town where you could take a can of baked beans or spaghetti to the local cinema, and in return get free entry into a film. I feel like if I did that nowadays, I would be escorted off the premises and be accused of terrorism because that is how damn sensitive the world now is.
  10. I once worked in a supermarket butchery because I was convinced that I needed to do it for ‘self-discipline’. It got around the workplace that I was vegetarian and people would just come and stare at me like I was some type of zoo animal. I lasted two months there.

There you have it; a small insight into how I actually am. Some of you may be disappointed with the fact that I am not just a profound old soul who writes about how he feels, and others of you may be like, “Wow! He is actually human!”. Either way, I am going to continue letting my personality bleed into my writing because I think it’s about damn time.

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