I’m Not Gay, I’m Pansexual


This minor detail may not be important to a lot of you, but it’s important to me; I’m not gay. Ever since I started a relationship with my current boyfriend of three years, I was automatically assumed to be gay. At first I just dealt with it because the ‘gay’ label seemed a little more accurate than the ‘straight’ label. However, as time went on, I began to despise the label that I had so foolishly accepted as my own.

The truth is, I am pansexual. Gender is irrelevant to me and I believe that it contributes very little to one’s personhood. When I interact with a person, I am drawn to their compassion, their philosophy, their energy, their experiences and the words that fall from their mouth. It does not matter to me what lies in between their legs because whatever does, does not make them the person I see them to be. I am simply attracted to who people are, not what they are.

I have been in a relationship with a girl before and I do not regret it. I fell in love with the way she saw the world and the way she made me feel about the world. We spent our time exploring the ins and outs of humanity and I truly believe that our intellectual connection was a once or twice in a lifetime kind of deal. Nevertheless, my point is that to me, love is truly blind.

Usually when someone refers to me as ‘gay’, I just smile and accept their assumption. I cannot be bothered trying to describe pansexuality because whenever I do, they just roll their eyes or reply “Oh… so you’re bisexual?” Contrary to uneducated belief, bisexuality and pansexuality are different. A bisexual is a person who is attracted to both genders and a pansexual, as we have already established, is a person who is attracted to people, not gender. In theory, this should be simple to understand but the faces people pull when I explain it to them, would suggest otherwise.

Nevertheless, just because someone doesn’t understand my sexuality, that doesn’t mean I should lie about it. Just like history has taught us time and time again, if people treat something as forbidden, it becomes forbidden. I mean that’s the history of homosexuality in a nutshell right? I have realised that I would be a damn hypocrite if I were to let something like that happen again.

So there you have it; I’m not gay, I’m pansexual. From now on, I refuse to wear any labels that suggest otherwise. We should all refuse. If someone has you categorised as one thing when in fact, you are another… then tell them. Let them know that there is a difference between the way they see you and the way you are, because that’s the kind of difference that stops a person from being free.

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