If you don’t know who Suzy Cato is, please stop reading this article, contemplate all that has contributed to your life, and repent for your sins. Then maybe come back here, educate yourself, and discover why she is the reigning Queen of New Zealand.
Suzy Cato began her television career in 1990, gracing ‘The Early Bird Show’ with her presence, starring alongside a cast of puppets including ‘Russell Rooster’, an owl, a kea and some ducks. Two years later she was given her own afternoon show, ‘3pm’, produced by Kids’ TV Ltd. After sitting on that throne, she then hosted ‘You and Me’, a pre-school show that I’m sure was used by many parents to babysit their spastic offspring. Last, but sure as hell not least, she set fire to childhood television in 1999 with ‘Suzy’s World’; the greatest production in human history (sorry Game of Thrones).
Now that the red carpet is been laid, lets begin. These are 8 reasons why Suzy Cato is a queen:
- I’m just going to get straight into it. Not only did she teach kiwi kids about digestion through the medium of children’s television, she SHOWED them. Apparently this is what happens when you eat baked beans and all I’m wondering is, why didn’t she create a whole series dedicated to this? In all seriousness, this demonstration was scientific as fuck. While recreating the average kiwi dad’s shit, she spoke about metabolism, the human anatomy and the intricacies of digestion itself.
- She’s performed at New Zealand most prestigious festival a number of times; Christmas in the Park. I only just found this out, but I can assure you that I will be calling my mother later tonight, inquiring as to why she never took me to see the Queen of everything. Mum, if you are reading this, please know that I will never forgive you.
- Forget Stan Walker, Kimbra, Lorde, Brooke Fraser and Dane Rumble (oh wait, we all did forget about him), Suzy Cato is the voice of New Zealand. Listen to this and try and tell me that I’m wrong.
- She regularly visits tertiary institutes, sharing with broadcasting students her yoda-like wisdom. I have heard from multiple sources that these visits usually involve grown ass men and women falling to the floor, overwhelmed by the Queen’s existence. Once the students stop crying though, Suzy gives her perspective on children in media and how to best handle their vulnerability.
- Side note, when I watched ‘Suzy’s World’ as a disturbed child, I thought she was talking to me, and only me, through the screen. Only a true queen can have that kind of effect.
- She reigns supreme in the radio world. She and her partner in crime, Trevor Plant, run a morning show that as of last year, airs on 23 stations on over 96 frequencies. JayJay, Dom & Randell who?
- She has a Facebook page and with it she slays. Some of her iconic status updates include “What’s the worst thing about throwing a party in space? You have to planet (plan it) :D”, “Puku selfies aren’t as easy as they look” and “YOU ARE SPECTACULAR!!!!”. How could you not love this woman?
- Finally, this doesn’t even need an explanation. Just watch the video and bask in nostalgia.