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Thoughts

I Don’t Know Everything

thorne snow

This may be the most important thing I have written all year; I don’t know everything. I really don’t. I write articles pertaining to my thoughts, beliefs and values, and although this blog may present them as gospel, that is not my intention. This blog is essentially a recording of my journey. Every article I write is written with the ink of my own knowledge and experiences and not for one moment do I consider that ink to be superior. I just consider it to be mine.

Why make this blog public then? Because I am an open person. I always have been. My life is a compilation of the extremely good and the extremely bad, and because I cannot contain it all, I share it all. That being said, I didn’t start this blog to present to the public what I think and why they should think it too. I started it to document what I think and how that changes. In fact, there are several articles from months ago that I no longer resonate with (notably ‘Is ‘Split’ Stigmatising?’ & ‘New Zealand’s Mental Health System‘) because I have since grown.

To those that don’t agree with the content of some of my articles, that is completely fine. Difference in thinking is what distinguishes one human being from another. However, please understand that not all of my opinions are concrete and if you don’t agree with them, you can tell me why. I am open to it. I want to have discussions, I want to learn, and I want to facilitate others. What I don’t want is for people to take one or two my opinions and construct from them my entirety. I know that’s an overly optimistic desire, especially in the realm of the internet, but it’s one that I need to put out there. This blog ain’t who I am, it’s what I’ve learnt, and as I write this, I am still learning.

Thoughts

Yes, I Want to Be a Teacher

teacher

Are you shook? Most people are when I tell them I want to be a teacher. In fact, they protest the very thought and insist that I pursue another career path.

“There’s no money in teaching.”

“You won’t last long.”

“Aim higher.”

Fuck you. Fuck each and every one of you who conjure such words with your mouth and force them upon me. I sincerely apologise for my inability to align myself with what you deem as worthy, but in saying that, I do not apologise at all. I want to be a teacher and if that unsettles you, then so be it. However, if you would like to open your mind for perhaps the first time in your life, then keep reading.

I’ve always been a little school obsessed. It may have verged on unhealthy, but I had to have the best grades and I wouldn’t let anything stop me. That was until something did. In year 10 English class, that’s sixth grade for you American folk, we were given the task to produce a piece of creative writing.

I had never been much of a creative writer. It required me to see things as more than they are and for some reason, I couldn’t. Nevertheless, I wrote a story, god only knows what about, and presented it to my teacher.

“It all seems very forced and I can’t find your voice. I think you know this isn’t as good as your usual work. Give it another go.”

It was the first time I had been truly critiqued and so naturally, I lost it. I read every tutorial I could find on creative writing, I wrote with a thesaurus wide open and I tried so desperately to channel my inner J.K. Rowling. A week later, I handed in another story.

“Again, it’s too forced. I don’t even know what half of these words mean and I’m pretty sure you don’t either. You’re overthinking this. You need to write about something you can feel, not about something you think you can feel.”

If I hadn’t lost it the first time, I had lost it now. In fact, I actually cried. What I thought was my saving grace was not, and now I had nothing to save me. I retreated into an empty classroom and sat against a wall, hoping it would taste my tears and chew me up. Although it never did, something else finally bit into my flesh and demanded acknowledgement.

After years of denial, my Dad’s suicide possessed me. Without my teacher, I don’t think it ever would’ve happened. I took a pen and paper from my bag and let his death write its truth. An hour passed, a single hour, and I was done. Still trembling, I typed it into an email and sent it away.

The next day after class, my teacher asked me to stay behind. She told me of how my words climbed into her head and screamed at her heart. A friend of hers and killed themselves a couple of weeks ago, and in my story she found her pain. She hugged me, thanked me and gave me purpose.

Ever since then, I have written with my soul on my sleeve.

What she did for me is what I want to do for others. I want to take their humanity, no matter what state it’s in, and nurture and accept it. I am not naive in this desire. I know that some students will torment me, hate me, ignore me and whatever else, but I also know that such behaviour is not without reason. There is a reason for their pain and although I cannot cure it, I can teach with words how to live alongside it.

Thoughts

No You’re Not Feminist, You’re Just Sexist

women

Since a young age, I have both consciously and subconsciously paid heed to the role of women. I remember watching after-school as all of the Mothers came to pick up their children, and wondering to myself why no Fathers ever came. My own parents had split when I was younger, and therefore it was a puzzle I couldn’t solve alone.

“Where are all the Dads?” I hammered into the head of my teacher.

“At work.”

Work? Why was work an extension of manhood and devoting one’s life to children, an extension of womanhood? These thoughts fell as seeds within my mind and my brain soon grew bigger than my skull. Continue Reading

Thoughts

Get out of Your Own Head

get out of your own head

I have recently been listening to the podcast What’s The Tea, featuring RuPaul and the gorgeous Michelle Visage. As an avid fan of RuPaul’s Drag Race, I expected the podcast to be an extension of the show; a platform to talk about the Drag Queens and the competition. However, after only one episode, I have been bitch-slapped and taught that I should never go making assumptions.

RuPaul and Michelle actually delve into the oddities of life and question why we are here, how we are here and what we are here for. They constantly refer to the ‘human condition’ and how we are all students of the world, being taught lessons that manifest themselves in a multitude of ways. They stitch these philosophical muses into popular culture, interviews with guests and above all humour, which in my opinion, makes the podcast more ‘bingeable’ than Drag Race itself. Continue Reading

Literature Thoughts

Lorde Was Right, We’ll Never Be Royals

lorde royals

Statistically speaking, the majority of us will never be royals because only 1% of us can be the 1%. We all have dreams, we all have creative expression and we all have a genuine desire to be distinguished from our pairs. For most of us though, none of it will ever be reciprocated. How do we continue with our lives knowing that our dreams may remain dreams and that our lives may never be remembered? Continue Reading

Thoughts

I Confronted My Social Media Addiction

social media addiction

A little under a week ago, I decided to cease the use of all social media for 30 days. I saw this detox as necessary because I realised that somehow, I had convinced myself that social media was necessary. This realisation along with knowing that life is awfully short, sent me into complete hysteria. I immediately deleted the apps from my phone and blocked the websites from my computer. Goodbye Facebook. Goodbye Instagram. Goodbye Snapchat. I was on a mission to prove to myself that I could exist in this world without social media and furthermore, that I would exist better without it.

Before I continue, you have to understand the irony of this situation. I am in my third year of university, studying a Bachelor of Arts, majoring in English & New Media Studies. Some of my assignments literally involve using social media and a lot of the theory I study, is about social media. However, I kind of think that this is what led me to my Britney Spears meltdown. Continue Reading

Thoughts

I’m Not Gay, I’m Pansexual

pansexual

This minor detail may not be important to a lot of you, but it’s important to me; I’m not gay. Ever since I started a relationship with my current boyfriend of three years, I was automatically assumed to be gay. At first I just dealt with it because the ‘gay’ label seemed a little more accurate than the ‘straight’ label. However, as time went on, I began to despise the label that I had so foolishly accepted as my own. Continue Reading

Thoughts

This Is Real, This Is Me

this is real, this is me

About a month ago, a close friend of mine said something about my blog and I haven’t been able to rid my mind of it since; “The way you write on your blog is a lot different to how you are in person.” I laughed it off, not thinking about the implications of her comment, and continued on with my day. However, as the day went on, her words grew within me and became a challenge to my soul. Why is it that how I write and how I am are two different things? I wasn’t able to answer that question for quite a few weeks but I think I finally have an answer to share. Continue Reading

Thoughts

Stop Hating on the Mainstream

mainstream

Hipsters were once people with authentic alternate taste. They found refuge in underrated music, op-shop clothing and underground slang. They were not motivated by hate for the mainstream but rather, they were inspired by difference. This is no longer the case. Hipsters have ultimately become a collective rebellion. They like what most people don’t like, purely for the purpose of not being like ‘most people’. Ironically, this dissatisfaction with the mainstream has become mainstream in itself and therefore, these ‘hipsters’ are nothing but reflections of their enemy. If you want to learn more about how hipsters became mainstream, read this Vice article by Drew Millard.

I could appreciate the humour in all of this, if it didn’t frustrate me so much. Why are people so inclined to degrade the mainstream? Do they not realise that the mainstream is an expression of our society? Continue Reading