The strangest thing happened today I encountered myself. I have been walking the earth for twenty years but I have never been able to see whom is doing that walking. Today I saw. I attended a university class named ‘Creative Writing: Voices’ and was forced to look upon my soul in all of its glory, in all of its distain.
I consider the act of writing to be innate. It is more than part of my existence, it is the reason for my existence. Weaving words together is a thoughtless task, one that I would compare to breathing. You don’t calculate the way in which you breathe, you simply breathe and I don’t calculate the way in which I write, I simply write. That is how it has always been and the child within me thought that is how it would always be. That child was wrong. Continue Reading
“You look like a giraffe”, “gay bald ginger”, “Damn your foreheads gigantic.”
That is a mere goody-bag of what is said about me on the internet. The reality is, people don’t like me. I am in a homosexual relationship, I have an abnormally large forehead, my voice is high, I have freckles and I openly share my opinions. Those attributes come together to create difference and even though we are living in a progressive era, those who are different are still crucified… I am crucified.
This article does not contain a cure. I am unsure of how to open the minds of the ignorant and fill them with the knowledge that we are all collectively human. I wish I could do that but the history of this world has taught me that no matter how hard you try, some people will always be left unconvinced. On that basis, I only want to share with you what I am sure of; myself. Continue Reading
I did it. Somehow I did it. I logged into my laptop, pulled up Microsoft Word and let my fingers bleed onto the keyboard. When I began writing, I had a story in mind but after the first sentence, the nature of that story changed. I think that’s the reality of writing a book. With each sentence comes new possibilities. The writing process is therefore indistinguishable from the moving stairs in Hogwarts because new paths are constantly being made and destroyed. How thrilling… right?
Yes and no. Yes in that your story comes to life and is given the ability to rewrite itself in ways that you never imagined. No in that it sometimes feels like you don’t have control, which is a very strange feeling considering you are the one writing the story. Continue Reading
I want to know. In fact, I need to know. How does one dedicate their entirety to writing a book? How do they sit their for hours and hours, consumed by the words that bleed from their pens? How do they sacrifice a significant period of time for a story that may not be good enough? These are the questions that have kept me from sleep. I just don’t understand. How do people do it?
I know that I am a writer. It is one of the very few things that I am sure of. I pick up a pen or rest my fingers against keyboard, and the pain within me finds refuge. It still very much exists but I begin to understand its existence and that is enough to keep me writing forever. Continue Reading
If you delve into the world of YouTube, you should know by now that the vegan YouTube community is the most dramatic of all. There is scandal after scandal and somehow the vegan movement is becoming less about the animals and more about the over-dramatic lives of those who say they care about the animals.
The Vegan Cheetah, Durianrider, Freelee the Banana Girl, Essena O’Neill… I could literally write an encyclopedia dedicated to the drama that surrounds this community. Although 99% of the scandal is superficial and entirely unrelated to veganism, there has been a recent spectacle that has left me gobsmacked. Continue Reading
This year has been a compilation of absolute bullshit. I am unsure of the science behind it all, but it seems that everyone has struggled. From an orange being elected president to the scandalous breakup of the UK from the European Union, everyone has been affected in some way.
I personally deem this year as unsatisfactory due to having more family drama than the Kardashians, navigating through the mental health system, experiencing a few things that nobody should have to experience and smashing my brand new iPhone 7. I am aware that the last one is highly materialistic and indicative of my privilege but nevertheless, it has solidified my hate for 2016. Continue Reading
I cannot conjure any memory of having long fingernails because I never have. Since birth my fingers have always been in my mouth and my teeth have always been fixated on removing the nails from their rightful place. I never quite understood the motivation behind such an act, but I now have clarity; I live with anxiety.
Firstly, a distinction must be made between worry and anxiety. Worry is when you are unsure and nervous of something, whether that be starting a new school or speaking in public. Anxiety on the other hand, is a sense of doom. You believe that your existence is in jeopardy and that you cannot be saved. In addition to this feeling of hopelessness, you can’t help but ask the question,”What if”? Continue Reading
I have always been told about the importance of family. “Blood is thicker than water.” “They will always be there for you.” “They will love you unconditionally.” Although I swallowed this wisdom without contemplation, age has forced me to throw it up. We now live in a time of fluidity and family is not excused from this. A person can choose their gender, a person can choose their sexuality and I truly believe a person can choose their family. Continue Reading
“I think of my life as a garden and in that garden I am trying to grow sunflowers. Day after day, I throw seeds at the soil and water it with all that I know. However, the seeds never manifest into my desires and instead I am left with weeds that show no mercy. Moral of the story, I am losing faith in sunflowers.”
I wrote that one week ago. I think it is safe to say that I was depressed and even now that the darkness has lifted its foot, I still feel a little grim. This is my reality though. Because of my experiences and the configuration of my mind, I will always be susceptible to sadness. Continue Reading
It has nearly been a year since I had an eating disorder. I cannot describe to you the exact moment I was cured, but in more ways than one, I would say that I am. I no longer refuse myself the nourishment of food, hinge my worth on weight, lock myself in my room, destroy relationships and loathe life.
Despite my achievements, there is one thing that has been immune to all antidotes; My mind. It has been scientifically proven that repeated behaviour causes certain neuron paths to become etched within the mind. That is what happened to me. Months and months of self-hatred and restriction slowly became normalised and now, even though I am recovered, I struggle to expel certain thoughts. Continue Reading