This may be the most important thing I have written all year; I don’t know everything. I really don’t. I write articles pertaining to my thoughts, beliefs and values, and although this blog may present them as gospel, that is not my intention. This blog is essentially a recording of my journey. Every article I write is written with the ink of my own knowledge and experiences and not for one moment do I consider that ink to be superior. I just consider it to be mine.
Why make this blog public then? Because I am an open person. I always have been. My life is a compilation of the extremely good and the extremely bad, and because I cannot contain it all, I share it all. That being said, I didn’t start this blog to present to the public what I think and why they should think it too. I started it to document what I think and how that changes. In fact, there are several articles from months ago that I no longer resonate with (notably ‘Is ‘Split’ Stigmatising?’ & ‘New Zealand’s Mental Health System‘) because I have since grown.
To those that don’t agree with the content of some of my articles, that is completely fine. Difference in thinking is what distinguishes one human being from another. However, please understand that not all of my opinions are concrete and if you don’t agree with them, you can tell me why. I am open to it. I want to have discussions, I want to learn, and I want to facilitate others. What I don’t want is for people to take one or two my opinions and construct from them my entirety. I know that’s an overly optimistic desire, especially in the realm of the internet, but it’s one that I need to put out there. This blog ain’t who I am, it’s what I’ve learnt, and as I write this, I am still learning.
This minor detail may not be important to a lot of you, but it’s important to me; I’m not gay. Ever since I started a relationship with my current boyfriend of three years, I was automatically assumed to be gay. At first I just dealt with it because the ‘gay’ label seemed a little more accurate than the ‘straight’ label. However, as time went on, I began to despise the label that I had so foolishly accepted as my own. Continue Reading
About a month ago, a close friend of mine said something about my blog and I haven’t been able to rid my mind of it since; “The way you write on your blog is a lot different to how you are in person.” I laughed it off, not thinking about the implications of her comment, and continued on with my day. However, as the day went on, her words grew within me and became a challenge to my soul. Why is it that how I write and how I am are two different things? I wasn’t able to answer that question for quite a few weeks but I think I finally have an answer to share. Continue Reading
The strangest thing happened today I encountered myself. I have been walking the earth for twenty years but I have never been able to see whom is doing that walking. Today I saw. I attended a university class named ‘Creative Writing: Voices’ and was forced to look upon my soul in all of its glory, in all of its distain.
I consider the act of writing to be innate. It is more than part of my existence, it is the reason for my existence. Weaving words together is a thoughtless task, one that I would compare to breathing. You don’t calculate the way in which you breathe, you simply breathe and I don’t calculate the way in which I write, I simply write. That is how it has always been and the child within me thought that is how it would always be. That child was wrong. Continue Reading
For the purpose of this article, I am going to have to subscribe to the stereotypes of homosexuality and declare my love for America’s Next Top Model. That being said, I am still ready to drag the show’s revival harder than Donald Trump gets dragged.
For those of you who weren’t made aware, Tyra Banks officially declared the end of the show in October of 2015. She believed it had come to its end and stated that cycle 22 would be the last. Following that announcement, all hell broke loose and we experienced the end of the world. Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration but people were genuinely upset… I sure was. Continue Reading
Even with the most acclaimed of television shows, I am still able to keep my composure. Not even Game of Thrones was able to take my soul hostage until I finished each and every episode. I had control… I usually always have control. That was until ‘Please Like Me’. After subjecting myself to the ingenuity of the pilot episode, I subsequently finished all four seasons in a matter of days. Continue Reading
This year has been a compilation of absolute bullshit. I am unsure of the science behind it all, but it seems that everyone has struggled. From an orange being elected president to the scandalous breakup of the UK from the European Union, everyone has been affected in some way.
I personally deem this year as unsatisfactory due to having more family drama than the Kardashians, navigating through the mental health system, experiencing a few things that nobody should have to experience and smashing my brand new iPhone 7. I am aware that the last one is highly materialistic and indicative of my privilege but nevertheless, it has solidified my hate for 2016. Continue Reading
I cannot conjure any memory of having long fingernails because I never have. Since birth my fingers have always been in my mouth and my teeth have always been fixated on removing the nails from their rightful place. I never quite understood the motivation behind such an act, but I now have clarity; I live with anxiety.
Firstly, a distinction must be made between worry and anxiety. Worry is when you are unsure and nervous of something, whether that be starting a new school or speaking in public. Anxiety on the other hand, is a sense of doom. You believe that your existence is in jeopardy and that you cannot be saved. In addition to this feeling of hopelessness, you can’t help but ask the question,”What if”? Continue Reading
“I think of my life as a garden and in that garden I am trying to grow sunflowers. Day after day, I throw seeds at the soil and water it with all that I know. However, the seeds never manifest into my desires and instead I am left with weeds that show no mercy. Moral of the story, I am losing faith in sunflowers.”
I wrote that one week ago. I think it is safe to say that I was depressed and even now that the darkness has lifted its foot, I still feel a little grim. This is my reality though. Because of my experiences and the configuration of my mind, I will always be susceptible to sadness. Continue Reading
It has nearly been a year since I had an eating disorder. I cannot describe to you the exact moment I was cured, but in more ways than one, I would say that I am. I no longer refuse myself the nourishment of food, hinge my worth on weight, lock myself in my room, destroy relationships and loathe life.
Despite my achievements, there is one thing that has been immune to all antidotes; My mind. It has been scientifically proven that repeated behaviour causes certain neuron paths to become etched within the mind. That is what happened to me. Months and months of self-hatred and restriction slowly became normalised and now, even though I am recovered, I struggle to expel certain thoughts. Continue Reading