Browsing Tag

eating disorder

Thoughts

The Neverending Eating Disorder

eating disorder

It has nearly been a year since I had an eating disorder. I cannot describe to you the exact moment I was cured, but in more ways than one, I would say that I am. I no longer refuse myself the nourishment of food, hinge my worth on weight, lock myself in my room, destroy relationships and loathe life.

Despite my achievements, there is one thing that has been immune to all antidotes; My mind. It has been scientifically proven that repeated behaviour causes certain neuron paths to become etched within the mind. That is what happened to me. Months and months of self-hatred and restriction slowly became normalised and now, even though I am recovered, I struggle to expel certain thoughts. Continue Reading

Thoughts

Bullying Doesn’t End with School

bullying

Throughout my thirteen years of school, I was the kid on the left. I was called names, thrown to the floor, punched in the head and ultimately taught of my inferiority. However, the defining moment happened during a camp. I was in the bathroom taking a shower and a few of the other kids stole my clothes. After an hour of unreciprocated screaming, I realised what had to be done. I ran out the bathroom and into the main hallway. Everyone stood in the doorways laughing as my bare bottom sprinted to safety. From that day forth, I swore an oath to introversion. I would become one of the shadows on the wall because nobody notices them and thus they are left alone.

The oath was broken in my senior years of high school. I managed to muster some confidence and stop hiding. I made new friends, went to parties, joined clubs and somehow found my voice. I think when everyone is on the brink of adulthood, bullying becomes a habit of the past. Maturity shows them that difference should be celebrated, not persecuted. Based on this, I thought that the end of school would bring about the end of bullying. I was stupid. Continue Reading

Thoughts

New Zealand’s Mental Health System

mental health

I wish with my entirety that I could endorse New Zealand’s mental health system. However, in doing so I would be lying and deception is not welcome here. This blog is without censorship and everything I write is based on personal experience and opinion. Therefore, I will hold nothing back when describing New Zealand’s most inadequate system.

‘Perpetuation’ is the word of focus. It is defined as making something longer or continuing it. As someone who has delved into New Zealand’s mental health system on more than one occasion, I believe that perpetuation is its rightful definition. People are diagnosed with illness and the system takes illness and makes it immortal.  Continue Reading

Thoughts

The Savages of Eating Disorders

eating disorders

As I sit here sipping my tea with biscuits at bay, I am reminded of a certain sorrow that tainted my livelihood not too long ago. To eat is to live and so when the act of consuming food becomes disordered, the potential for life is hindered. Today I witnessed a young woman be overshadowed by this illness. Her supposed hands were wrapped around a box of sushi. I use the word ‘supposed’ because her dear fingers could have been mistaken as tiny sticks ready to snap. I do not exaggerate. Her mouth and tongue were salivating over the close proximity to nourishment. Her eyes, if given the ability, would have swallowed the sushi whole. Everything in her being was screaming for the necessity that we call food. I wanted to cry. There’s no other way to put it really. I wanted tears to roll down my face and I wanted that animation of my sadness to persuade her to eat. However, she pushed the food away, a draining task in itself, lifted from the chair like a skeletal feather and returned to starvation. I pray for her because once upon a time… I was her.

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